Hitting walls

I’ve hit the wall. This doesn’t make sense… we had a great gig the other night and I got a lovely review,

http://skylashes.com.au/anna-cordell-live-on-29-may-2014/

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all has been going great with the music and the crazy juggle with the kids… but here I am again… at a wall. Flat. Exhausted.

This little message is coming to mind:

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People have asked me, ‘how do you do it’ with 4 kids and getting up and playing music…

confession time-

1st of all I ignore my kids too much. Any woman who seems to be ‘doing it all’ either has a lot of help from family, has their kids in childcare, so they’re not actually doing it all, they are getting someone else to mind the kids. (my option from the past when I ran a fashion business! I had a lovely nanny- I wasn’t doing it all- at all!)

OR they don’t give their kids all their attention (ME NOOOOW!)

2nd– although the music part is more work and sometimes exhausting, it also GIVES me energy back. I’d say psychological and spiritual energy.

3th– I’m an anxious restless type of person so I don’t cope well with being in a house all the time with kids (actually – not many people do!) so there’s no virtue in it, it’s just tending to a mental health need I have! hehe

4th– I don’t do it. I hit the wall all the time. I feel sick and exhausted and overwhelmed a lot of the time. I become weird and annoying after taking on too much (ask my husband!) and then my family suffers for it.(on the flip side, my kids all sing around the house now that I do and because I go out more, my husband goes out to enjoy a beer more often that he used to which is healthy!)

There are a few confessional TRUTH NUGGETS as my friend calls them… be very suspicious of those women ‘doing it all’ I say! 

I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT for those women who can humbly live a simple life and focus on LOVE.

Right, I’ll keep this late night tired cranky writing short- I can see where it’s heading!

I’m still working out whether my music NEED is pure or not… in the meantime, I’m loving it BUT….right now… walls walls walls!!!!!

will keep you posted!  🙂

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PS. Just watched this. It’s good!!

 

“Follow your dreams” OR “Follow your delusions”

It’s a minefield out there.

More than ever before talent and success are not necessarily synonymous. Of course there are endless stories from the past about people who were gifted and never ‘made it’ in their lifetime (Van Gough and Nick Drake are my two favourites… oh and Jesus I guess!) 

But seriously, what is going on NOW??!! 

Since I’ve taken music up again and am trying to give it a semi serious crack in the gaps between minding my 4 beautiful little girls there is one comment I’ve received over and over again… 

“Follow your dreams” 

I know most people are just searching for something supportive to say, but what do we actually mean? The phrase is tossed around over and over again and I can’t help wanting to pick it to pieces- there’s something in there I just don’t trust!

We have thousands of hopefuls now ‘following their dreams’ on shows like ‘Australian (American) Idol’ and  ‘The voice’ then we have the more ‘alternative’ version in this country, JJJ unearthed (which happens to have a very distinctive sound musicians must adhere to to get a look in!)

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(The Voice… creeeeepy!!!) 

There is something heart wrenching about seeing so many people put their hope, time and money into things like this before they’ve honed their talents, or are perhaps pursuing it when they have little to no talent at all.

Is it going to make them happy to put so much effort into something that is almost guaranteed to end in disappointment?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Maybe its some sort of ‘journey’ (for want of a less Australian Idolesque sounding word) they need to take. They may learn something else about themselves through it all accidentally. On the other hand, life is short, perhaps they should be focusing on their real talents. 

I remember being shocked when I studied music (for a very short period between finished an ARTS degree and ..ah-hem… having my first baby… school of life ever since!) To find that some of the voice students in one of the courses that had to be PAID UP FRONT, could barely sing in tune!!!

BOX HILL INSTITUTE – (yep I decided to go all out and name you!) You cashed in on these people!!! You wasted their time!!! You used them!!! Why??

Money.

The thing is, we all have ‘dreams’ but sometimes they are more like ‘fantasies’… or ‘DELUSIONS’ and don’t business’s just love to cash in on those?

There seems to be a new philosophy that the kindest thing to do for people is LET them do what they WANT.

But is this right even if we can see it’s going to end in misery? Even if its sort of living a lie? 

 

What we want isn’t always what we need. (giving myself a reminder as I write that one down!)

I’m overwhelmed by how many musicians are out there now. Overwhelmed by the level talent for one, but also by the quantity of people who should have given it up years ago but simply won’t- and nobody seems willing to tell them the truth. I know it seems harsh, but isn’t it sort of harsher to let it go on?

Sure, they’re following their dreams… but what does that actually mean? 

It frightens me. On the other hand I see incredibly talented people give up because they don’t feel allowed to give it a go, they feel foolish or aren’t aware of the gift they have.. 

so in an environment where people are often unwilling to tell the truth (usually for fear of being unsupportive or unkind- sadly sometimes because they enjoy watching people humiliate themselves), where people over praise just a little talent, where globally incredibly untalented musicians are help up as huge talents and hugely talented musicians are often ignored… how is a person to gage where they really stand? 

This question haunts me…

How do I know whether I’m wasting my time prancing around in fur jackets? 

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PS. My buddy @sarahenticknap did some great work on my with her amazing photographic talent- she’s someone who confuses me further- she has struggled against the odds to ‘follow her dream’ and it’s paying off. She’s a professional photographer, making beautiful art and being appreciated!! Check out her beautiful work.

PPS. Don’t pay too much attention to what’s written on the t-shirt. We only noticed that later! it’s not true! haha! 

 

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