“Follow your dreams” OR “Follow your delusions”

It’s a minefield out there.

More than ever before talent and success are not necessarily synonymous. Of course there are endless stories from the past about people who were gifted and never ‘made it’ in their lifetime (Van Gough and Nick Drake are my two favourites… oh and Jesus I guess!) 

But seriously, what is going on NOW??!! 

Since I’ve taken music up again and am trying to give it a semi serious crack in the gaps between minding my 4 beautiful little girls there is one comment I’ve received over and over again… 

“Follow your dreams” 

I know most people are just searching for something supportive to say, but what do we actually mean? The phrase is tossed around over and over again and I can’t help wanting to pick it to pieces- there’s something in there I just don’t trust!

We have thousands of hopefuls now ‘following their dreams’ on shows like ‘Australian (American) Idol’ and  ‘The voice’ then we have the more ‘alternative’ version in this country, JJJ unearthed (which happens to have a very distinctive sound musicians must adhere to to get a look in!)


(The Voice… creeeeepy!!!) 

There is something heart wrenching about seeing so many people put their hope, time and money into things like this before they’ve honed their talents, or are perhaps pursuing it when they have little to no talent at all.

Is it going to make them happy to put so much effort into something that is almost guaranteed to end in disappointment?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Maybe its some sort of ‘journey’ (for want of a less Australian Idolesque sounding word) they need to take. They may learn something else about themselves through it all accidentally. On the other hand, life is short, perhaps they should be focusing on their real talents. 

I remember being shocked when I studied music (for a very short period between finished an ARTS degree and ..ah-hem… having my first baby… school of life ever since!) To find that some of the voice students in one of the courses that had to be PAID UP FRONT, could barely sing in tune!!!

BOX HILL INSTITUTE – (yep I decided to go all out and name you!) You cashed in on these people!!! You wasted their time!!! You used them!!! Why??


The thing is, we all have ‘dreams’ but sometimes they are more like ‘fantasies’… or ‘DELUSIONS’ and don’t business’s just love to cash in on those?

There seems to be a new philosophy that the kindest thing to do for people is LET them do what they WANT.

But is this right even if we can see it’s going to end in misery? Even if its sort of living a lie? 


What we want isn’t always what we need. (giving myself a reminder as I write that one down!)

I’m overwhelmed by how many musicians are out there now. Overwhelmed by the level talent for one, but also by the quantity of people who should have given it up years ago but simply won’t- and nobody seems willing to tell them the truth. I know it seems harsh, but isn’t it sort of harsher to let it go on?

Sure, they’re following their dreams… but what does that actually mean? 

It frightens me. On the other hand I see incredibly talented people give up because they don’t feel allowed to give it a go, they feel foolish or aren’t aware of the gift they have.. 

so in an environment where people are often unwilling to tell the truth (usually for fear of being unsupportive or unkind- sadly sometimes because they enjoy watching people humiliate themselves), where people over praise just a little talent, where globally incredibly untalented musicians are help up as huge talents and hugely talented musicians are often ignored… how is a person to gage where they really stand? 

This question haunts me…

How do I know whether I’m wasting my time prancing around in fur jackets? 


PS. My buddy @sarahenticknap did some great work on my with her amazing photographic talent- she’s someone who confuses me further- she has struggled against the odds to ‘follow her dream’ and it’s paying off. She’s a professional photographer, making beautiful art and being appreciated!! Check out her beautiful work.

PPS. Don’t pay too much attention to what’s written on the t-shirt. We only noticed that later! it’s not true! haha! 




I’m Impatient, I had just enough money to half record this song… enough to get its bones down… enough to add to my upcoming @POZIBLE campaign to give everyone SOME idea of what I might sound like…

then I decided I like it! I like it’s rawness… I certainly can’t wait for my amazing band members to add their strings and beautiful melodies and tones, but I DO have to wait! probably 6 months! and meanwhile.

I decided I’ll share this music around simple and raw with nothing to hide behind, because that’s how I feel about it right now.

I’m at a point where I’m feeling a bit bare. It’s plain for everyone to see I’m really giving it a go, which is a scary step- because it means you might be taking yourself a bit seriously and that in turn means, you might be fooling yourself and kinda sorta embarrassing yourself too!!

I’m 32 now. I have this little voice sometimes whispering to me.. Aaaannnnaaaa… too laaaaate!! Mooooove ooooooooon!!

But I have another that’s a little bit, just slightly louder saying, WHY?!!! THIS is when I have written the best material, THIS is when my voice has matured through the experience of having 4 daughters, the first born when I was 22, the euphoria, the isolation, the joy, the fear, the love, the loneliness, the first real opening of my eyes.

So I’m doing it. I don’t know why, it’s scary, It’s humiliating at times, but mostly, it’s amazing and freeing and joyful!

That’s it.

I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while… about my experience of doing things a bit upside down, about attempting to be a musician as a woman in her 30s, about having babies while your mates travel and build careers, about feminism (humanism!) and philosophy and shared experiences.



It’s pretty challenging fitting it in while I’m an at home every day mum of these 4 beautiful souls… I gave up work to be with them every day, which is a blessing, thank God I’m able to! But as any musician will know, keeping up with music world these days is ahhh.. kind of FULL ON!!!! And I never want to risk prioritising unimportant (in the scheme of life!) things over my children’s needs ever again! (I MAY have worked as a designer for a few years and got a little carried away with that business! slight OCD tendencies!)

I’m trying to strike the balance… trying to take music at a slow pace… which is another thing that feels like a bit of an up-stream swim for an impatient character!

Being slow. Being patient. Leaving some gaps for life and love and spirit. It goes against everything we are fed by our culture and I have to catch myself every day and just STOP.

So here it is. Raw half recorded music for you. I hope you like it. My blog will be in the same tone because I’m not doing a lot of self editing here! I hunger for honesty in a world of image and mirage and so I’m going to try my best to keep it real!

(photography @saraenticknap, @freyabenette, recordin @fourty4studios)








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